"My
Little Way"
Thérèse's
spiritual journey was a solitary one. The Holy Spirit
indeed mapped out a way of truth for her. "I have
never looked for anything but the truth" - showing
her the depths of the Holy Trinity's love and a "way"
of uniting herself with it which had nothing to do with
classroom learning; but rather was rooted in everyday
life. It was through divine intervention that her prioress
(Mother Marie de Gonzague) asked her to record her life
in writing and entrusted novices to her care, in turn
revealing a spirituality unparalleled in one so young.
At the age
of 22, a long period of searching came to an end. The
"Way of Spiritual Infancy", which was to symbolize
her contribution, was revealed to her. As a young girl,
she
energetically sought holiness. "I must become a
saint," she wrote in 1888 but was continually frustrated
by her own helplessness and weakness. After reading
in St. John of the Cross, that "God never inspires
a wish that cannot be fulfilled", she found new
courage (and this after 7 years of religious life).
Conscious of her own weakness, but willingly trusting
in God's Merciful Love, which finds its way even to
the humble, she came to love her poverty. Her offering
of herself to Merciful Love begins with these words;
"God is asking me to do something, I cannot do
it on my own, so He will do it for me". (June 9,
1895). From this moment on Thérèse lived
the daring surrender of herself. A totally dependent
child has no choice but to surrender itself completely
to its father's merciful love.
Again, Thérèse
discovered the truth of Jesus' words, "If you do
not become as little children, you shall not enter the
Kingdom of Heaven" (Mt 18:3). The way of "spiritual
infancy" is Jesus' own way as a son - the supreme
son, living only for his Father. Who is more fully an
adult but Jesus or more fully a child? From this point
on Thérèse lost her fear of sin, of falling
asleep during prayer or any other imperfection - love
had burned everything away. In her autobiography, Story
of a Soul, Thérèse writes about this "love".
"The
practice of charity, as I have said, dear Mother (Mother
Agnes, her sister Pauline, the prioress at the time),
was not always so sweet for me, and to prove it to you
I am going to recount certain little struggles which
will certainly make you smile. For a long time at evening
meditation, I was placed in front of a Sister who had
a strange habit and I think many lights because she
rarely used a book during mediation. This is what I
noticed: as soon as this Sister arrived, she began making
a strange little noise which resembled the noise one
would make when rubbing two shells, one against the
other. I was the only one to notice it because I had
extremely sensitive hearing (too much so at times).
Mother, it would be impossible for me to tell you how
much this little noise wearied me. I had a great desire
to turn my head and stare at the culprit who was very
certainly unaware of her "click". This would
be the only way of enlightening her. However, in the
bottom of my heart I felt it was much better to suffer
this out of love for God and not to cause the Sister
any pain. I remained calm, therefore, and tried to unite
myself to God and to forget the little noise. Everything
was useless. I felt the perspiration inundate me, and
I was obliged simply to make a prayer of doing it without
annoyance and with peace and joy, at least in the interior
of my soul. I tried to love the little noise which was
so displeasing, instead of trying not to hear it (impossible).
I paid close attention so as to hear it well as though
it were a delightful concert, and my prayer (which was
not the Prayer of Quiet) was spent in offering this
concert to Jesus."
The vision
of her own end was revolutionary - not rest but action.
"I
will spend my heaven doing good on earth".
St. Thérèse
of Lisieux
